Family life not great- well, you can't change who they are but you can change how you interact with them, you can take note of issues and learn how to make things better for your family one day. Ugly- well you can't change your facial symmetry much but you can work on your style and haircut, your grooming. Nothing wrong with having problems, only in not solving those problems. Whether it's just talking through things or some medicine- there's no shame in getting better, or having been sad, in the past, because we're leaving this behind us.įirst we have to assess what your perceived problems are. It's possible you have some sort of clinical depression and if so, go to the doctor and work on it. First you need to step back and do some reassessment of things in your life. She can be decent (YOUR definition) or she's done being in your lives. If she learns to behave (snarky, passive aggressive behavior is disallowed & gets sanctioned just like the rest of her shit: immediately back in timeout or extending the existing one 2X) she may be able to spend some time around you. This progression conveys that you mean it & if she doesn't control herself she may bar herself from your lives until the youngest of your yet-to-be children completes graduate school (iow, forever). The more she screams the longer the timeout & it should increase geometrically: A week, two weeks, four weeks, eight weeks & so on. He should be prepared for acting out & be as unmoved as an adult would be at a spoiled neighborhood three-year-old's screaming meltdown when told they have to stay out of your house, don't get to steal suckers & can't harass your pets. SO needs to do this (his mother, not yours & she'll use any opportunity to blame you). Since what she wants is more, More, MORE interaction & time, telling her very matter-of-factly that she's driven herself into timeout with her demands is worth trying (just expect her to throw herself on the floor & kick & scream, either metaphorically or actually). She may be able to respond appropriately to reward & punishment (as a normal three-year-old might). Damaged personalities (like her) are largely incapable of acting like adults. Milentless is likely to act out (shriek, scream, blame, gaslight, attempt to guilt and on & on) at the impostion of boundaries. I hope you & he find some or all of these helpful. He's studied this for 20 years and it's AMAZING. Man has a PhD in manipulation, and breaks down what the manipulators DO and how to shut it down.
Is a classic about how to see the manipulative patterns from abusive parents and get free of them. It's a must read book for people with narc/abusive parents and their partners, in my opinion. This was THE BOOK that started to set me free. u/madpiratebippy recommends these three books (comments are hers):ĭrama of the Gifted Child by Alice Miller. >Since I’m pretty sure I know where the initial stomping out of any healthy notions of boundaries came from, I think it could be a big step for SO to take with her but I want SO to be the one who makes the decision for what he wants to do. When I say No I feel Guilty by Manuel Smith and No More Mr. Given his saying this, here's two resources he might find useful: >He told me that he was tired of being walked all over by his family, friends, coworkers, etc and he wanted to get better at drawing a line in the sand.